


the hellchat

by alanaheck



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: COMPLETELY self indulgent i hate myself for writing this, F/F, Friendship, Internet friendship, M/M, groupchat fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-13 21:07:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11768403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alanaheck/pseuds/alanaheck
Summary: Jared Kleinman makes a groupchat.





	1. the chat is formed

**Author's Note:**

> spicyboy: jared  
> alanabeckdel: alana  
> teenangstbullshit: veronica  
> slushiefuckerr: michael  
> thatonetheaterchick: christine  
> unicorns4ever: martha  
> sunshineandrain: heather mcnamara  
>    
> more to come! (also s/o to my friend tuana @iamtrashdotjpeg for coming up with christine's username!)

**spicyboy** added  **alanabeckdel, slushiefuckerr,** and **teenangstbullshit** to a group chat

 

**spicyboy** named the chat  **33 screaming frogs**

 

**spicyboy:** hey so i decided that it would be cool to add all my internet friends into one big chat

 

**spicyboy:** well internet friends and alana

 

**spicyboy:** so uh

 

**spicyboy:** hell yeah lets get it started

 

**spicyboy:** wait shit i forgot christine

 

**spicyboy** added  **thatonetheaterchick** to the chat

 

**thatonetheaterchick:** hi guys!!!

 

**alanabeckdel:** Hello!

 

**slushiefuckerr:** hey christine B)

 

**teenangstbullshit:** Jared what the fuck

 

**spicyboy** : ???

 

**teenangstbullshit** : Why would you even add me into a chat with him what the FUCK

 

**spicyboy:** wh

 

**spicyboy** : with who

 

**thatonetheaterchick:** guys whats going on??? 

 

**teenangstbullshit:** With JD??? Who else

 

**teenangstbullshit:** If this is some sort of joke it isn't funny you dick

 

**spicyboy** : jd isnt here i hate that edgelord

 

**teenangstbullshit:** Then who's @slushiefuckerr???

 

**spicyboy:** slushiefuckerr is michael jds username is different 

 

**spicyboy:** i know this because when i was adding him they suggested slushiefucker with ONE r and i was like "oh shit its that guy that ronnie was telling me about better be careful not to add him"

 

**teenangstbullshit:**...

 

**teenangstbullshit:** Well shit

 

**teenangstbullshit:** I'm sorry guys

 

**teenangstbullshit:** Especially you Michael

 

**slushiefuckerr:** lmao its cool

 

**teenangstbullshit:** No I'm serious

 

**teenangstbullshit:** That was out of line of me

 

**slushiefuckerr:** dude seriously dw

 

**alanabeckdel:** Okay, now that all of that's out of the way, I think that we should go around and say our name and pronouns, so no one gets misgendered! I'll start.

 

**alanabeckdel:** I'm Alana and I use she/her pronouns. 

 

**thatonetheaterchick:** is beckdel a play on bechdel?

 

**thatonetheaterchick:** like alison bechdel?

 

**alanabeckdel:** Yep!

 

**teenangstbullshit:** FHOLY SHIT

 

**teenangstbullshit:** JFKAJSLKJFLJSK OK 

 

**teenangstbullshit:** me and christine need you to settle a debate

 

**teenangstbullshit:** fun home book or fun home musical

 

**thatonetheaterchick:** i say musical she says book

 

**thatonetheaterchick:** i mean like come on!!! sydney lucas!!! beth malone!!!

 

**alanabeckdel:** Well, I love both but if I was forced to choose...

 

**alanabeckdel:** I'm with Christine on this one.

 

**thatonetheaterchick:** HA

 

**teenangstbullshit:** FUCK YOU ALANA 

 

**alanabeckdel:** :(

 

**teenangstbullshit:** Not actually

 

**teenangstbullshit:** Ok so i guess i should go next

 

**teenangstbullshit:** Hello i am Veronica i use She Or They Pronouns 

 

**thatonetheaterchick:** im christine!! i use she/her 

 

**slushiefuckerr:** michael he/him

 

**spicyboy:** sup im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read

 

**slushiefuckerr:** jared

 

**teenangstbullshit:** Jared

 

**thatonetheaterchick:** jared...

 

**alanabeckdel:** Jared.

 

_______________________

 

**teenangstbullshit** sent a message to  **the recovery chat**

 

**teenangstbullshit:** Ghhhhhhh

 

**teenangstbullshit:** So today my friend Jared added me to a groupchat and there was this guy there

 

**teenangstbullshit:** His username was @slushiefuckerr

 

**unicorns4ever:** Oh no

 

**teenangstbullshit:** And I thought it was JD and I just. Lost it

 

**teenangstbullshit:** I started yelling at Jared and asking what was wrong with him 

 

****teenangstbullshit:**** He knows who JD but he just thinks of him as my shitty ex he doesn't know how bad it really was

 

**teenangstbullshit:** And I apologized but like

 

**teenangstbullshit:** I feel like I'm getting better but there are times like this when I wonder if it would be better to just

 

**teenangstbullshit:** You know

 

**unicorns4ever:** Don't say that!!!

 

**unicorns4ever:** It's slow but you're definitely improving! I can see it!

 

**unicorns4ever:** You don't break down sobbing at loud noises anymore, you were able to walk by that 7/11 the other day

 

**sunshineandrain:** andalso like, there's gonna be some setbacks

 

**sunshineandrain:** like normally im fine with being called by my first name but today someone said it and it made me wanna die so! fun!

 

**sunshineandrain:**  its all good now but that just goes to show you

 

**unicorns4ever:** Yeah!!! I still can't eat without hating myself sometimes, but those episodes are getting farther and farther apart and I know that it's the same for you

 

**unicorns4ever:** I've been paying attention and you really are recovering

 

**sunshineandrain:** ^^^^^^ what she said

 

**teenangstbullshit:**...

 

**teenangstbullshit:** Thank you

 

**teenangstbullshit:** I needed that

 

**sunshineandrain:** dude of course !

 

**unicorns4ever:** yeah!!!

 

**teenangstbullshit:** I'm gonna head to bed now. Love you guys

 

**unicorns4ever:** we love you too! :)

 

**sunshineandrain:** <3 <3 <3


	2. crushes and casting

**slushiefuckerr** :

 

 **slushiefuckerr:** hey guys caption this

 

 **spicyboy:** me at 4am thinking about my crush

 

 **spicyboy:** i mean if i had a crush

 

 **spicyboy:** i don't lmao

 

 **teenangstbullshit:** Well that sure as hell convinces me

 

 **alanabeckdel:** Yeah you do???

 

 **alanabeckdel:** You told me, remember?

 

 **slushiefuckerr:** holy shit

 

 **slushiefuckerr:** alana leak his @

 

 **spicyboy:** don't you Dare

 

 **alanabeckdel:** @evhansen

 

 **spicyboy:** FUCK YOU 

 

 **spicyboy:** I DON'T EVAN LIKE HIM THAT MUCH

 

 **spicyboy:** *evan

 

 **spicyboy:** *EVEN

 

 **teenangstbullshit:** Freudian slip 

 

 **slushiefuckerr** **:**

****

**slushiefuckerr **:**** hey jared what emotion does this image make you feel

 

 **spicyboy:** I HOPE THAT YOU D IE

 

 **teenangstbullshit:** You were supposed to say "lust"

 

 **slushiefuckerr:** yeah you ruined the joke

 

 **spicyboy:** well michael if you wanna play it that way

 

**spicyboy:**

 

 **spicyboy:** what emotion does THIS image make you feel

 

 **slushiefuckerr:** lust 

 

 **slushiefuckerr:** i hate you for this but i still respect the meme format

 

 **alanabeckdel:** You know, I just don't understand you two.

 

 **alanabeckdel:** If you like these guys, why don't you just tell them?

 

 **spicyboy:** did you tell ZOE MURPHY when you had a crush on her???

 

 **alanabeckdel:** Yes. She turned me down, but I still felt better after telling her.

 

 **spicyboy:** oh yeah right

 

 **spicyboy:** probably should have considered that

 

 **spicyboy:** im still right tho veronica back me up here

 

  **teenangstbullshit:** Do either of these guys wear trenchcoats on a daily basis

 

 **spicyboy:** no

 

 **slushiefuckerr:** he used to but it wasn't his fault

 

 **teenangstbullshit:** Then I say go for it

 

 **alanabeckdel:** See? Veronica agrees with me!

 

 **teenangstbullshit:** Hell yeah Alana you and I are lesbian/bi girl solidarity

 

 **slushiefuckerr:** but guyyys

 

 **slushiefuckerr:** asking people out is HARD

 

 **slushiefuckerr:** and SCARY

 

 **thatonetheaterchick:** AAAAAA OMG!!!

 

 **thatonetheaterchick:** OMGOMGOMG

 

 **thatonetheaterchick:** okay i'm very sorry to derail the conversation and i wish you both luck with your crushes and everything but THE CAST LIST FOR WICKED WAS JUST POSTED AND I'M PLAYING GLINDA!!!

 

 **thatonetheaterchick:** galinda?

 

 **thatonetheaterchick:**  depends when you ask i guess

 

 **thatonetheaterchick:** but anyways IM SO HAPPY!!!

 

 **slushiefuckerr:** oh hell yeah remind me to go see you in it

 

 **teenangstbullshit:** Congrats!

 

 **thatonetheaterchick:** :DDD

 

 **alanabeckdel:** Congratulations! What song did you audition with?

 

 **thatonetheaterchick:** Ring of Keys!

 

 **teenangstbullshit:** Okay I take back my congratulations

 

 **thatonetheaterchick:** Rude :(((

 

 **spicyboy:** wait is glinda a big role

 

 **spicyboy:** how proud of you should i be

 

 **teenangstbullshit:** Jesus christ

 

 **teenangstbullshit:** Jared could you try like

 

 **teenangstbullshit:** Not ruining the mood for once

 

 **spicyboy:** yikes ok

 

 **thatonetheaterchick:** be nice ronnie :(

 

 **teenangstbullshit:** Sorry Jared I'm just in a not great mood

 

 **teenangstbullshit:** It wasn't your fault 

 

 **spicyboy:** no you were right

 

 **teenangstbullshit:**  Don't say that

 

 **teenangstbullshit:** I wasn't and you know it

 

 **teenangstbullshit:** Come on man

 

 **spicyboy:** its cool dude it didnt really bother me

 

 **teenangstbullshit:** I mean if you say so

 

 **spicyboy:** anyways christine. musical. hell yeah lets fuckin DO THIS

 

 **alanabeckdel:** You should play Glinda as being really gay for Elphaba! 

 

 **thatonetheaterchick:** thats the plan! probably wont be hard :P

 

 **alanabeckdel:** Honestly! I mean, What is This Feeling is quite obviously a love song, and I read an interview a while back where Idina Menzel said that she was totally for it!

 

 **thatonetheaterchick:** kristin chenoweth said the same thing!

 

 **alanabeckdel:** I'm glad to hear it!

 

 **thatonetheaterchick:** yeah!

 

 **thatonetheaterchick:** well, it was really fun talking about this with you, but i really should get to sleep

 

 **thatonetheaterchick:** ive got a big day ahead of me!

 

 **slushiefuckerr:** christine ily but its only 10pm

 

 **slushiefuckerr:**  ya nerd

 

 **thatonetheaterchick:** shush 

 

 

 **thatonetheaterchick:** night guys! 

 

__________________________________

 

 **thatonetheaterchick** added  **teenangstbullshit, spicyboy,** and  **slushiefuckerr** to a groupchat

 

 **thatonetheaterchick** named the chat  **help!!!**

 

 **thatonetheaterchick:** guys im freaking out!!!

 

 **slushiefuckerr:**  you okay dude?

 

 **thatonetheaterchick:** okok so

 

 **thatonetheaterchick:** i think that might i have a crush on alana???

 

 **spicyboy:** oh

 

 **spicyboy:** oh shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaand the second chapter is up! hope you guys enjoyed it
> 
>  
> 
> kudos and comments are appreciated, and feel free to hmu on my tumblr @septemberfirst1989!!!

**Author's Note:**

> ok so this was my first attempt at a chatfic!!! some things to know are:
> 
> -jd wasn't a murderer in this, he was just emotionally and physically abusive. he's also still alive
> 
> -mcnamara doesn't like being called heather because it brings back negative memories of her time with chandler and duke
> 
> -how they all know each other will be revealed later!
> 
> kudos and comments are appreciated, and feel free to hmu on my tumblr @septemberfirst1989!


End file.
